Valerie and Pierce (Part 2)

Pierce: This is what your school does for a dance?

Valerie: Yeah. They really go all out.

Pierce: Yes they do.

(They stand next to each other awkwardly)

Pierce: Are you ok?

Valerie: Yeah. I am.

Pierce: Come here.

(Pierce leads her to a bench)

Pierce: Sit.

(Valerie sits)

Pierce: What’s up? Is something wrong?

Valerie: No. Nothing. I’m ok.

Pierce: Really?

Valerie: No (Valley girl accent) actually my shoes totally do not match my dress and this is a complete disaster!

Pierce: Stop.

Valerie: Stop what?

Pierce: Stop being like that. Don’t brush things off like they’re nothing. Please don’t make jokes and try to be cute. I mean, you are cute, very cute, in fact, but that’s not what I mean. I mean, (sigh). Don’t fake like you are ok when I can see in your eyes that you’re anything but. And please, please talk to me. (Pierce stands in front of Valerie and takes her hands in his) Tell me what is wrong.

(Valerie walks away from Pierce and takes a minute.)

Valerie: I don’t know anymore. I-i can’t really put my finger on it. I feel so happy at times. But then there are day that I can’t even muster up a laugh. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m really glad that we’re...whatever we are. But...it’s not..

Pierce: Enough?

Valerie: Yes.

(Pierce sits on the bench and Valerie moves to sit next to him.)

Pierce: Please just explain to me what you mean.

Valerie: (sits) I’m trying.

Pierce: Do you want a hug?

Valerie: No.

Pierce: Do you want to hold my hand and talk about it?

(Valerie looks at Pierce’s hand. He slowly takes it and kisses it.)

Pierce: You know that you’re not alone in this, right?

Valerie: I need to tell you something.

Pierce: I do too. I love you.

Valerie: I don’t want to see you anymore.

(silence)

Pierce: What?

Valerie: (lets go off his hand and walks a few steps) For some time in my life I had been in this gray area of sadness and content, anger and calm, peace and chaos. I juggled it so much and I tried to what I could to keep it more in balance. But the more I tried, the more out of balance it became. Then I finally just did it. I did the one thing I dreaded doing and never wanted to do. I never wanted everything to come so out of balance that I would...end it all. I honestly thought that it would smooth out. But it never did. It only got worse and I couldn’t take it. But then I woke up. I was in that hospital bed thinking about what I had done, really thinking about what I had done and seeing how it affected my family. But even now I’m unsure if I matter.

Pierce: But you do. You matter to me.

Valerie: Thank you, but I think that it’s more of finding self worth in myself. By myself.

Pierce: So this is it. You’re ending it.

Valerie: Yes.

Pierce: So you’re leaving me? Alone?

Valerie: I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me.

Pierce: I don’t care about that. All I care about is you. I love you. I can help you get better.

Valerie: Pierce, I am not abandoning you but this is not healthy. I want you to take care of yourself and care about my well-being as much as you care about mine. We both need to care about ourselves as much as we care about each other’s.

Pierce: So you care about me?

Valerie: Yes I do. Please try to understand what I’m saying.

Pierce: I do. I get it. I’ll be here if you need me. You know, as a friend.

Valerie: You are very important to me. The only reason I’m doing this is so we both can figure this out. We can’t depend on each other to fix one another. We need to do that ourselves. If you need a friend, I am here for you. they hug each other and walk off of the stage

The Storyteller

Let me tell you a story. It’s a lovely one that you have never heard before. The beginning is simple and very common among most fairytales. It’s what you’ve been told your whole life. But the ending is not so simple.

Now, let us begin. There once was a girl who fell in love with a prince. She never thought he would notice her so she got a new dress and a fancy hair do. Then when she crashed his ball he fell in love with at first sight and proposed to her after their first dance. They got married and it was a merry time. This is something we hear our whole lives but there is a part two to this fairytale. The girl who is now a princess lives in a wonderful tower with many servants and her lovely prince. Happy ending? Wrong. The prince is always busy with spending time with his friends, playing polo and rugby, and he loves to throw exquisite parties where they celebrate him. That is something he just loves to talk about. Himself. If the princess tries to talk about her day then the prince talks over her or pretends to snore loudly and guffaws disgustingly. “Just continue to look so beautiful, darling.” That’s what he always said to her. Of course, she had no choice to look nothing but beautiful. The prince would literally shudder in disgust when he saw her without any fancy hair or makeup. There were nights when she had to be made up in bed so that the prince would sleep in the same bed as her. She had to get up at a ridiculous hour in order to look picture perfect so that when the prince woke up and looked at her he would say “Now there is the beautiful girl I love.”

The princess didn’t have many duties. She was no longer allowed to read and had to attend many brunches with women who would proudly criticize her clothing and say horrid things to her until she ran away crying and then they’re loud and nasal laughs would fill their beautiful and well tended to gardens. She would stand up to them only to be scolded by her prince and have him chide her like she was a third grader who deserved a spanking. The servants were no kinder whispering how she did not deserve all that she had and that she was ungrateful. All in all life was not as amazing as she had always dreamed.

But there were more troubling matters in the kingdom. In one of the far off neighboring villages, someone saw a large beast fly over the town. They said the wings were power and large, creating winds that would uproot the trees and send livestock miles away. It’s eyes were the things of the darkest and most terrifying nightmares. And it could incinerate a person to complete ash before they could even think to say a word of prayer to whatever deity comes of the top of their heads.

So the prince was on high alert, training knights everyday, and making sure to encourage the people to give their young boys to the king’s army so they could defeat the horrible beast. The princess was initially frightened, however, she remember stories of beasts as these. Usually creatures of extraordinary magic living in dark caves by themselves, last of their kind, and are treated brutally and mercilessly when captured. She knew her prince’s pure hatred for the creature, but it didn’t stop her from being completely fascinated in the animal. Then one night the prince had gathered his soldiers into his home for a party for the next day they would venture into a forsaken farmland where the creature was rumored to be resting. Only the creature was not in the farmland, it was waiting outside of the castle.

Then there was a loud boom followed by an earth shattering quake that shook the entire citadel and enclosed the hearts of everyone inside with a knee buckling fear that their end was near. The prince called the men to the castle’s door to meet the face of this beast. The servants rushed all women to the kitchen. The princess was both cautiously frightened but uncontrollably giddy. A creature of fairytales and myth! Here! Right at her feet! She hid in one of the pantries and took a secret staircase to the castle’s garden. And slowly she stepped onto the cold earth.

Her back was still against the cold stone walls of the castle. Her breathing slow and labored as she tried to still her rampart heart. She could hear the clinking of the soldiers armor, they were slow and cautious, yet they shook slightly in fear of being burned alive. Then in the distance was a faint wind that picked up and as she turned peeking into the center lawn of the castle she was the beast descending in a grace that both beautiful and utterly petrifying. The monsters wings cut through the air like a knife to butter. It’s eyes focusing on the soldiers like they were a meal and the animal had not eaten in weeks. And the creature’s roar sent a thundering tremble in the very soul of everyone in the lawn. The prince swung with great force, but the creature simply breathed and sent the army of soldiers flying backward as if they were fallen leaves. Many young nights poked at the beast but it remained unharmed. The prince shouted orders and directed the young men around the creature. The beast twisted and screeched as the army started to enclose upon it. The princess crawled into a bush and continued to watch, completely entranced with the creature’s fluid defense movements. Then the princess realized. The best was not here to conquer or kill. It had no desire to maim nor harm those who inhabited the land. Then why was it here?

Just as she contemplated this the prince screamed a loud order and then millions of arrows fell from the sky. They impaled the creature and stuck it down. The knights were running forward with a net. To entrap this creature. Is this right? Should we really entrap such a beautiful artifact of magic and fiction? Then in a split moment the beast’s eyes met hers. There she saw the creature's true nature. It was sad. It was alone. Ridiculed and hated by all and shunned for being different. That’s when she knew what had to be done. And as neurotic as she felt, she jumped from the bush screaming at the top of her lungs running towards the creature. The prince saw her and yelled at her to get away but it was too late. The beast went free. The soldiers finally ran away scared. The prince turned to the princess and screamed a harsh word to her and ran to her. He grabbed her around the throat and threw her to the ground. He kicked her over and punched her again blaming her for condemning his kingdom. She cowered in pain and tried to wipe her blood of her face. When she slowly turned on her back and looked into the prince’s eyes and saw his true nature as well. Then he raised his sword high above his head and slowly a smile full of wickedness took his face. Then a look of dread and surprise took his face. The dragon’s claw had impaled the prince through is back and through his stomach. Then the dragon flicked the prince over his shoulder as if her were a gum wrapper. The princess looked into the beast’s to see empathy. This creature knew how she felt everyday and how horrible and dejected she felt when she woke up every morning. Then the most amazing thing happened. The dragon gently place the princess on his back and took off. As she lie silently on it’s back, she could feel the cool air on her face, but also something else. Something that overpowered her and took root in her soul and spread throughout her being, warm and strong. Then for the first time in a long time she smiled and laughed. A loud joyous laugh convulsed her whole body with pure unadulterated glee.

Valerie and Pierce (Part 1)

Valerie: Hi?

Pierce: Why did you say that like a question?

Valerie: Excuse me?

Pierce: You are excused. But what I mean is that you greeted me with like it was a question. As if you were not sure that “hi” was an appropriate way to greet me. But the fact that you spoke to me at all makes me heart flutter like a hummingbird’s wings.

Valerie: Uh, okay...

(Valerie pulls out a notebook and starts to write in it. Pierce watches her write.)

Valerie: You’re not going to be able to read it from there.

Pierce: Is that an invitation to read your most private and innermost thoughts?

Valerie: No. It’s just that..I thought you were trying...to read..my journal.

Pierce: As I curious as I am to read the depths of your complex mind, I think that we should set some boundaries seeing as we just met.

Valerie: Okay well first of all, if you really want to set some boundaries then please stop looking at me. And secondly, what makes you think that I’m complex?

Pierce: You are human. All humans are complex. We have own quirks and flaws we need to fix.

Valerie: Really?

Pierce: Yes.

(Pause)

Valerie: What are yours?

Pierce: Mine?

Valerie: Yes. Yours. What are your quirks and flaws that you’re working on?

Pierce: (takes a deep breath) I am dealing with PTSD.

Valerie: Wow.

Pierce: Yeah. And I am also getting treatment for dementia.

Valerie: Oh, uh, I mean, wow.

Pierce: Yeah.

Valerie: I’m here for eating, anxiety, and depression disorder therapy.

Pierce: That’s a lot.

Valerie: So is PTSD and dementia.

Pierce: Well those things often work hand in hand. So...

(awkward silence)

Valerie: Do you know why they call the sand sand?

Pierce: Excuse me?

Valerie: You’re excused.

Pierce: Thank you.

Valerie: Do you know why they call the sand sand?

Pierce: No I do not. Could you please tell me why?

Valerie: Why? Of course.

Pierce: Thank you.

Valerie: They call the sand the sand because it’s between sea and land.

Pierce: (smiles) Do you know why they call leaves leaves?

Valerie: Because they always leave the tree.

Pierce and Valerie make eye contact and both look away from each other.

More Than This Emptiness

I’m not happy. ok? i am not. i do not feel happy really or sad or anything. i wish i felt hurt or like crap or at least angry. but i don’t. i don’t really feel anything. i feel empty. like i’m just passing through. it’s really heavy and like i’m walking through a downpour and yet i’m not getting wet. like someone is stabbing my heart but it’s frozen so the pain is numb throbbing feeling in my chest. like i’m just here. honestly the worst kind of sadness is not knowing why you are this way. and it sucks that there is nothing you can do even when you wish you could. i guess i thought i was doing okay but as it turns out i’m not so good.

but sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and say “you are more than this emptiness inside of you. you will overcome it and get better. as long you believe that you can, you will.” Always know you matter and that better days are coming. I know what it’s like to want to die. I know. I know what’s it like to want to run into a busy street and hope to God that you do not make it across. But I am telling you that if you feel the same way I do to do one thing for me. Stay. For the good days. And the sunsets. And the people out there who understand. Stay. Just for a little longer. Just to see. We all have to help each other out. Do not sit there and think that no one cares and that no one listens and that no one understands what you are going through. I hate talking about this stuff. I hate it but I’m doing it for anyone who understands what I am saying. Because you are not alone. You are not useless. You can accomplish your goals and find happiness. Don’t give up. Yeah times get hard and there are people who don’t get it. There will be obstacles. But things work out, you know? Even if it doesn’t feel okay for a long time, or even if it feels like things will never be okay again, everything works out in the end. You are perfect. Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without those things you wouldn’t be you. Hang on because it gets easier and then it gets okay and then if feels like freedom. You are more beautiful than the scars on your skin and the thoughts in your brain. And I still try to tell myself this and someday I will truly believe it. For me to feel this sad I must have felt so happy. And I will find that feeling again. And so will you. And it will be beautiful.

Valerie: I don’t want to do this. I don’t. I’m not weak or stupid or selfish, okay. I’m not doing this for attention. I didn’t do any of this for attention (motions to scars on her arms. She puts the sleeve back and folds her arms around herself). I really don’t want to do this. I am a good person. I am in the top 5% of my graduating class. I really like to read and sing at weddings. I don’t know how to parallel park and I hate geometry.

I really try. I try. Everyday I do try. I feel this emptiness inside of me. I don’t know what to do most of the time with myself. I have such overwhelming anxiety about everything. When I’m not being anxious, I feel like I am going to cry for days. There are times when I will sit in my room and literally sob for hours.

I really just want this to stop. I don’t know why I feel like this a lot. When I was younger, I would feel like this for weeks at a time and then it would go away. As I got older, I felt it for months. But now I’m a junior in high school and I haven’t felt happy since my middle school graduation. I am dying inside. I just don’t know what to do

And no, I can’t just be happy. I’m not like that. It’s that feeling like there is this weight inside of your chest and you can’t breathe. Everything and everyone seems to be out to get you. You feel like everything is pointless and nothing matters in life. You think that you are worthless because all of your life nothing and no one has ever told you or made you feel like you are of any worth. Everyday you were told by your peers, your “friends”, even your teachers to stop being a baby. Stop complaining so much and making everything about you. You’re selfish. Don’t act like only your problems matter. There are children in Africa who are dying of diarrhea and kids in China are being forced into concentration camps and you keep crying because your mom told you that you’re ugly. Or that your dad called an idiot because you got an 89 on a test. Or that your sister pushes you down the stairs and threw away all of your clothes. Suck it up because there are people who have it worse.

If you really wanted to die, you’d do it already. Well, that’s the thing. I want to die, but I don’t want to kill myself. Does that even make sense? I wake up every morning feeling hopeless and I can’t handle the pain. Sure the pills and the puking and the blades helped but this time...this time. I’m so sorry. (sobbing) I am so sorry.

(Valerie walks off stage and then we hear a gunshot go off.)

Witt and Lucky

Witt and Lucky are sitting next to each other, center stage. Lucky will be jotting things down in her journal and Witt will be listening to music. He’ll look over at her, watching her write. Lucky will glance over at Witt and then look down at her journal again.

Witt: Hi.

Lucky: (hesitantly) Hi.

Witt: What are you writing?

Lucky: Um...nothing.

Witt: Really? That looks like a lot of words for nothing.

Lucky: Are you trying to read it?

Witt: No I can just read all your scribbles from here.

Lucky: Okay, well, first of all, these aren’t just scribbles-

Witt: Oh really?

Lucky: Yes. And second of all, it’s none of your business, so please.

Witt: I’m just curious.

Lucky: (pause) It’s a list.

Witt: A hit list?

Lucky: No. Just a reading list.

Witt: A reading list?

Lucky: Yes a reading list. Okay I know that it sounds lame but every month I write a list of books I am going to read and then I try to complete my list before the month is over.

Witt: Wow.

Lucky: I know right. I get it reading is boring. You don’t have to tell me.

Witt: No, I think it’s cool.

Lucky: (stares at Witt as Witt stares back) You’re lying.

Witt: No really

Lucky: No. People hate reading

Witt: You’re a person aren’t you? And you love to read.

Lucky: Well maybe that’s just the real problem here. Maybe I’m not a person. Maybe a martian.

Witt: Or a unicorn.

Lucky: Did you just call me a unicorn?

Witt: You called yourself a martian.

Lucky: It’s different when I say it. When I say it, it’s funny. When you say it, it’s...different.

Witt: Different?

Lucky: Yes. Like when I call myself ugly, that’s just me talking to myself.

Witt: But you’re not ugly. You’re really cute.

Silence ensues as Witt realizes what he just said aloud.

Lucky: You think that I’m...cute?

Witt: What..uh..no?

Lucky: No?!

Witt: No. Wait! No..I-

Lucky: You don’t think I’m cute. So you do think I’m disgusting?

Witt: I didn’t mean that. I didn’t say that.

Lucky: You didn’t mean that I’m cute or that you didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Witt: No, I mean..uh...I...hold on let me think.

Lucky: Are you thinking?

Witt: I am. Do you think I don’t think?

Lucky: You obviously can’t speak. So I very little faith in your thoughts.

Witt: Do you think that I’m stupid?

Lucky: You’re acting stupid, sounding stupid, and looking stupid, so right now I’m not going to call you a genius.

pause

Lucky: Look, I’m sorry that I called you stupid. I don’t think you’re stupid. I think that you’re kind of awesome.

Witt: You think I’m awesome.

Lucky: Don’t get a big head over it.

Witt: How awesome do you think I am?

Lucky: As cute as you think I am.

Witt: I don’t think you’re that cute.

Lucky: Oh.

Witt: I actually think you are stunning.

pause

Lucky: Oh. Uh, meh. I,um...thank you. You certainly have a gorgeous head, don't you? I like men who are about my height but heavier than me.

Witt: What?

Lucky: I’m sorry. I just really suck at flirting or showing any kind of emotions in general.

Witt: That’s ok. I actually don’t know how to flirt either. I had to ask some of my friends to help me figure what to say to you and there was one suggestion...I’m not going to mention it.

Lucky: No. Say it. I want to know.

Witt: Okay. It went like this; Row row row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily I can make you scream

Lucky: What?!

Witt: Yeah I know look

Lucky: Oh my god!!

Lucky: that sounds a little bit like a serial killer

Witt: look i’m..ok….i see you coming to this spot in the park everyday and i notice you. i’m not stalking i swear to God i am not a psychopath. i wanted to ask you out a couple times but i didn’t how to so i asked some of my friends to help me

Lucky: and does one of your friends wear a straightjacket?

Witt: i’m sorry. i wasn’t going to use them

Lucky: good. and if you wanted to ask me out you can just ask me

Witt: lucky, you exquisite young lady

Lucky: oh my gosh

Witt: will you go out with me?

Lucky: um ( kisses witt’s cheek) yes.

Stand Up and Stand Out

Hi! So many you don’t know me and that’s ok. I try not to be someone that is noticeable. All of you know me as that girl who sits in the corner of the class who quietly gets straight A’s and reads her 400 page novel. Well, I do do that. But what I also do is watch you all. That’s right. I’m a creeper too. But seriously, I watch you all everyday. I listen to what you talk to each other about and I see you in the hallways everyday. If you thought that no one noticed that you started to wear long sleeves after your dog died, I noticed. If you thought no one could tell that you stopped eating lunch after that guy dumped you for the cheerleader, I noticed. If you think that you’re being slick when you go to the bathroom for 10 minutes and come back smelling like the inside of a Jamaican music store and 20 canisters of AXE body spray, then you obviously are just stupid. The point is that I see you. I see you guys trying to be cool in order to feel whole. I see you crying over a test you got a 93 on. I see the light in your eyes slowly go out everyday. I just want you guys to know that it will be ok. You will survive. You will make it and have a great story to tell others and encourage them. I know this because that was me. I was like you all. I’m still like you all. But I’m here to tell you that I don’t want you to feel like I feel. You deserve better. We all deserve better. This is what we will have as long we remind ourselves that we are worth it. You are worth. I am worth. Always count your blessings instead of your worries. And if someone tries to rain on your parade, just poke them in the eye with your umbrella.