Witt and Lucky

Witt and Lucky are sitting next to each other, center stage. Lucky will be jotting things down in her journal and Witt will be listening to music. He’ll look over at her, watching her write. Lucky will glance over at Witt and then look down at her journal again.

Witt: Hi.

Lucky: (hesitantly) Hi.

Witt: What are you writing?

Lucky: Um...nothing.

Witt: Really? That looks like a lot of words for nothing.

Lucky: Are you trying to read it?

Witt: No I can just read all your scribbles from here.

Lucky: Okay, well, first of all, these aren’t just scribbles-

Witt: Oh really?

Lucky: Yes. And second of all, it’s none of your business, so please.

Witt: I’m just curious.

Lucky: (pause) It’s a list.

Witt: A hit list?

Lucky: No. Just a reading list.

Witt: A reading list?

Lucky: Yes a reading list. Okay I know that it sounds lame but every month I write a list of books I am going to read and then I try to complete my list before the month is over.

Witt: Wow.

Lucky: I know right. I get it reading is boring. You don’t have to tell me.

Witt: No, I think it’s cool.

Lucky: (stares at Witt as Witt stares back) You’re lying.

Witt: No really

Lucky: No. People hate reading

Witt: You’re a person aren’t you? And you love to read.

Lucky: Well maybe that’s just the real problem here. Maybe I’m not a person. Maybe a martian.

Witt: Or a unicorn.

Lucky: Did you just call me a unicorn?

Witt: You called yourself a martian.

Lucky: It’s different when I say it. When I say it, it’s funny. When you say it, it’s...different.

Witt: Different?

Lucky: Yes. Like when I call myself ugly, that’s just me talking to myself.

Witt: But you’re not ugly. You’re really cute.

Silence ensues as Witt realizes what he just said aloud.

Lucky: You think that I’m...cute?

Witt: What..uh..no?

Lucky: No?!

Witt: No. Wait! No..I-

Lucky: You don’t think I’m cute. So you do think I’m disgusting?

Witt: I didn’t mean that. I didn’t say that.

Lucky: You didn’t mean that I’m cute or that you didn’t mean to say that out loud.

Witt: No, I mean..uh...I...hold on let me think.

Lucky: Are you thinking?

Witt: I am. Do you think I don’t think?

Lucky: You obviously can’t speak. So I very little faith in your thoughts.

Witt: Do you think that I’m stupid?

Lucky: You’re acting stupid, sounding stupid, and looking stupid, so right now I’m not going to call you a genius.

pause

Lucky: Look, I’m sorry that I called you stupid. I don’t think you’re stupid. I think that you’re kind of awesome.

Witt: You think I’m awesome.

Lucky: Don’t get a big head over it.

Witt: How awesome do you think I am?

Lucky: As cute as you think I am.

Witt: I don’t think you’re that cute.

Lucky: Oh.

Witt: I actually think you are stunning.

pause

Lucky: Oh. Uh, meh. I,um...thank you. You certainly have a gorgeous head, don't you? I like men who are about my height but heavier than me.

Witt: What?

Lucky: I’m sorry. I just really suck at flirting or showing any kind of emotions in general.

Witt: That’s ok. I actually don’t know how to flirt either. I had to ask some of my friends to help me figure what to say to you and there was one suggestion...I’m not going to mention it.

Lucky: No. Say it. I want to know.

Witt: Okay. It went like this; Row row row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily merrily merrily merrily I can make you scream

Lucky: What?!

Witt: Yeah I know look

Lucky: Oh my god!!

Lucky: that sounds a little bit like a serial killer

Witt: look i’m..ok….i see you coming to this spot in the park everyday and i notice you. i’m not stalking i swear to God i am not a psychopath. i wanted to ask you out a couple times but i didn’t how to so i asked some of my friends to help me

Lucky: and does one of your friends wear a straightjacket?

Witt: i’m sorry. i wasn’t going to use them

Lucky: good. and if you wanted to ask me out you can just ask me

Witt: lucky, you exquisite young lady

Lucky: oh my gosh

Witt: will you go out with me?

Lucky: um ( kisses witt’s cheek) yes.